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You know how we like to tell Ivanka Trump, the best first daughter with the mostest who can’t seem to convince her father to do shit, to go fuck herself? There’s a long profile of Jared ‘n’ Ivanka Kushner-Trump in the new , and it’s mostly about “Complain! ” and “Please give us your sympathy, as we did not ask for Popsy to become King of America, and now our old friends don’t talk to us and we have the vapors and we are going to die.” It’s very interesting if you are into that sort of thing!But the real go fuck yourself moment comes in an anecdote about Javanka going to meet with Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood back in February.When the first version of a health-care bill proposed to strip funding from Planned Parenthood, Ivanka’s surrogates reached out to the organization with an idea: stop offering abortions and the White House would advocate increased funding for Planned Parenthood clinics. OK sure, fine, only three percent of Planned Parenthood’s actual services are abortion, which is important to remind people who advocate murdering the whole organization over that One Little Thing. Were Ivanka and Jared lying in bed one night when they came up with this bing bong of an idea?But abortion services are ACTUALLY REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT, IVANKA. Were they perfunctorily fucking each other (like we imagine they do) and all of a sudden Vank was like “Jared. I just thought of One Weird Trick to save Planned Parenthood,” and did Jared agree that it was a good One Weird Trick — “maybe instead of abortions, you should show them your sweatshop shoe line, maybe they would like to sell that instead of abortions? but they can’t do anything for him,” said the Washington veteran.Everyone was getting pictures with him and getting his autograph, so I did the same. Neway, when it came about time we were supposed to go in, we started heading towards the main entrance to the auditorium.On the way, we saw tons of people crowded around the backstage door, so I decided we would wait there before going in, to make sure we didn't miss anyone important coming out (it turns out my friend Jana and her aunt didn't know we weren't supposed to wait there before going in, so I fooled them, hehe).One of them had shoulder length blonde hair, one of them had long brown hair that was almost down to her waist, but not quite. I didn't say anything b/c I didn't want to invade his privacy, so I chilled and pretended not to care.I remember them being pretty, but I didn't really pay any attention to them. I was looking the other way when my best friend told me that Taylor kissed the brunette on the cheek and then she kissed him on the lips ! I turned around and saw them holding hands and smiling at one another. I'm glad that he has a girlfriend and she seems really nice. Anyway, the point of this is to clear up the rumors about Taylor's Brazilian girlfriend and to let everyone know that Hanson is at home!
We asked them how they had gotten them, and they told us that an hour before we got there, the babysitter girl (long blond hair, I think her name's Ashley) had given passes out to the fans who were there (another reason why i'm pissed we didn't get there earlier).
Ivanka went to the meeting thinking she might act as a kind of referee between the Republicans clamoring to de-fund Planned Parenthood and the organization itself.