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They were all family members, and technically they were all still alive, but I just find it comforting to imagine they're already deceased.(Anthony Myers) The hardest thing about the holidays is having to listen while Santa has sex with my wife.At one time, your last name reflected your heritage.'Johnson' was 'the son of John,' 'Carpenter' was an actual carpenter and 'Mason' was a bricklayer.I found it very annoying, because she never gave us a "spoiler warning" before telling us stuff like that. (Anthony Myers) I once saw a beaver on the side of the road and was disappointed because he was just sitting there, seemingly doing nothing.Then I realized he was probably just watching for the cops while the other beavers were busy stripping a stolen Camaro for parts.Now that I think of it, that place was probably just a laundromat.(Tony Myers) It has been said, "If you love someone, let them go." And if they come back, cut off their feet, steal their shoes and then make fun of them on the Internet for crying little girly tears.

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(Brad Wilkerson) One reason I like Halloween so much is that I really get off on the genuinely horrified reaction from kids with my "sawing off my forearm with an electric carving knife" shtick -- at least until I pass out from the voluminous loss of blood and all. Sabien) I just had a great idea: the no-party surprise party!When my idiot parents then suggested I should study to become a cosmetologist, I laughed in their faces.